Marriage appears wonderfully endearing to the single man or woman who has never ever married, and maybe to the divorced person who hankers for some thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is very a tough work at occasions. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so a lot of ourselves into our marriages – which is the two a great and a bad point.
We deliver in expectations of being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not invest also a lot cash, not look for to control us, that they will want to spend time with us. We also bring in expectations of what our partners should bring to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to identify just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn out to be aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
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Shifting the focus from the negative aspects of the conflict to the potential opportunity it presents changes the atmosphere of a marriage. A couple that begins to communicate in this way will be less likely to lash out in conflict and perpetuate negative behaviors. The nature of communication should always be in an effort to understand and move forward.
Control you association, You will become like those with whom you associate. If you want to have a super marriage, associate with people who have super marriages, and run away from those who have lousy marriages. You can choose with whom you associate.
There should be a study done with couples who waited to marry for say three years and see if the rate of divorce is better. It would be interesting to see if this would help out as much as it seems like it should.
Jealousy, Most people would agree that a certain amount of jealousy can add passion and sizzle to a relationship – after all who wants an indifferent spouse? However, too much jealousy (or irrational or “controlling” jealousy) can cause major conflicts in your marriage if it gets to the point that one spouse begins to feel alienated or that one’s partner simply mistrusts the other.
Instead, you should understand that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. This one essential skill is missing in so many marriages today and thus we are seeing marriages dissolve at an alarming rate. I know this idea is contrary to everything we hear and see around us. So much of the focus in our culture is about people finding compatibility with others.
Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand. You can not have a successful marriage without character. Character is what keeps a marriage together through the seasons of conflict and bitter disappointments.
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The Cortex (The Computer Brain), Finally we all have a cortex, the part of our brain that is conscious, intentional, rational, and choiceful. It is the cortex you are using now as you read this article. It is the part of us that can be self-aware, reflective, and self-observant. It is the part of our brain that allows us to communicate in complex languages and develop science, literature and art.
When you factor in, new experiences, change of perceptions, hormonal changes and repeated emotional injuries through the years you begin to realize that character is all you have to keep a marriage sound and healthy.
Not long ago a mother confided in me (after a number of conversations) that after 32 years of marriage she was actually flipping because she was comparing her daughter’s marriage with hers and she saw her daughter happier than she had herself ever been. She was actually contemplating divorce to find someone that would provide her with what she thought was missing in her life.
These differences may lead to schisms and disagreements which may even result in confrontations, arguments and fights. Therefore in any successful relationship, conflict resolution is an essential trait. Good conflict resolution skills may very well save your marriage. But there is an enemy of good conflict resolution within each one of us.
If your marriage is at this point, it is time to make some changes. Here is a question, Why is it that we act the worst towards those we love the most?. It is a problem most of us have, and yet it is so counter-intuitive. We should be the kindest to those we love. Well in a marriage relationship, there are 3 rules you should be following on a daily basis.
And, very importantly, must do it in a respectful way. In premarital counseling, I often say to couples, if something is bothering you in your marriage, you need to say something about it to your mate. Go ahead and complain. When you do, you’re being honest with your mate.
Marriage conflict is par for the course but does not have to end in divorce. Conflict can be transformed into harmony if you are willing to find new solutions to problems. Admit when you are wrong and apologize. Most of us refuse to believe we have done anything wrong when the finger gets pointed at us.
Or “How can I turn this conflict into a success?”, you’ll find that your mind always feeds you with an answer. Remember, if you ask a dis-empowering question like this: “How I am supposed to adopt an attitude of hope in the middle of this chaos?” you’re mind will most likely tell you.
In my many years of mentoring couples in business and personal relationships, I have found certain 7 “Proactive Actions” which, if taken by either (but more successfully by both) spouse, go a long way to resolving just about all conflicts which arise in a marriage. Make the decision to stay married, A choice becomes a decision when you assassinate all options – when you burn down all exit doors!.
The Bad News, This then is the biological explanation of why there can be so much intense emotion in relationships. The Old Brain treats emotional risk as a survival issue and combines history with the present and confuses people, events and time. Our partner can raise their eyebrow in a certain way and we can feel a knife go through our gut.
Your husband needs someone to talk to but you do not realize it. On other occasions he may want to have sex with you, not as an outlet for his stress, but to genuinely express his love for you, but again, you are not up to it.
In every case it was an incremental change over time, the moment of peace, joy and content didn’t simply occur in an instant. To feel better start by feeling better. Again reflect on those positive events when feeling most alive and fulfilled. Does that conjure up positive feelings from the past? Focus on that joy and content, shifting attention away from what isn’t right about the current situation.
Stop trying to be right just be happy, A happy marriage is not about always trying to prove which spouse is right. Rather, happy marriage partners spend their energy on being happy rather than worrying about whom is right. Build your self image and this becomes easy.
This puts a huge strain on your relationship. If this keeps up, you will be faced with a disaster in your marriage. Again, how did that conflict begin?. It started with the unfulfilled expectation of your husband towards you. When one spouse expects something of the other and that expectation is not met, miscommunication occurs.
It is quite possible that one spouse may be completely uncooperative at that time and which is precisely when one has to take full charge of the situation and ensure that things are completely in control.