Marriage would seem wonderfully endearing to the single particular person who has never married, and possibly to the divorced person who hankers for one thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is really a challenging function at instances. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a very good and a undesirable factor.
We carry in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not invest also a lot income, not seek out to handle us, that they will want to invest time with us. We also deliver in expectations of what our partners need to carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to name just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now become aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
Can A Marriage Be Saved After Both Have Cheated
If it was the divorce rates would be much lower, in fact for first time marriages in Canada and the US, 50% will end in divorce. While on the other side of the world Japan only shows a 27% divorce rate? Why is it so different? What do they do differently? Yes the cultures are completely opposite, but how can it have such a huge effect?.
And I must say that was the hardest part – deciding that enough is enough, taking that first step. After that everything just snowballed down the hill (it was more like up the hill in my situation).
If you are already married, and are experiencing conflict that could have been avoided had a plan been laid out, remember that it’s never to late to put a plan together from that point on. Of course both parties will have to acknowledge and agree to this, and there has to be some level of trust still existent.
Seek professional help. In overcoming marriage problems it is important to get all the help that you can get. Seeking professional help or reading books of experienced therapists and authors can be very helpful. There are people who are trained and experts in dealing with relationship and marriage conflicts.
If you can learn to do this, you will find that you don’t get upset or angry near as often. Let your spouse be who they are. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. So step back, and let things go. Not everything is a personal attack on you.
This is a great first step in getting back to where you want to be. Each moment spent focusing on positive feelings, experiences and desires is one moment not spent focused on negative feelings and emotions. Find anything in your world to begin shifting your focus. Over time it begins to feel more natural and will occur more regularly.
Can This Marriage Be Saved Stories
Even if couples remain in a co-existing position on an issue, they can still have a strong marriage. Conflict in marriage is inevitable. The successful handling of conflict involves a healthy and balanced mix of the skills of compromise, capitulation and co-existing. No matter how you hang the toilet paper.
Finance: This plays a major role in relationships and marriages. A case where the other partner spends without consideration always creates problems in the home, sometimes leading to separation or even divorce.
Here’s an example. Suppose I asked my husband to stop at the grocery store on his way home from work to pick up a few groceries. He forgets! I greet him at the door and discover him empty-handed. If fighting were my typical response, I would nag him about forgetting and accuse him of not caring about me. This would be a verbal attack, which is just one way of fighting. This is PEACE BREAKING.
Practice ahead of time using “I” words as opposed to “you” words. Avoid “you” words as it will always come across as accusatory. Using “I” statements demonstrates your ability to take personal responsibility for your own actions and words.
God may possibly be saying in the area of the irresolvable issues of marriage – “How important is this expectation?” And, “Can you allow it go?”. Many of our expectations may possibly be founded on anything completely ridiculous, unachievable or unsustainable – and in that, it’s up to us to adjust. This can be a very challenging word – but it could be nevertheless truthful. And, in this current day, as it is eternally, the truth does set us free of charge.
The problem comes when couples approach conflict as a win-lose situation, which makes it very difficult to reach a compromise. It’s simply human nature to want to be right, and so we approach resolving conflict from a right or wrong perspective.
Many people would rather choose to be with “someone” else (back to “personality love”) than to remain with their spouse and face the true character of their spouses and their own! (Did you get that?). Marriage requires “character love.”
It is also of great help to see what others have done to save their marriages, because, as surprising as it may seem, human beings are predictable, and it is not unusual for couples around the globe, from past and present, to have done the same mistakes over and over.
One thing almost no one knows about saving a marriage, is that conflict is good for your relationship. The one lesson I wish I had learned years ago is that conflict is an opportunity. It is one of the few ways to resolve differences, change people’s hearts rather than their circumstances, and bring two people closer together than they were before.
There are basically two reactions towards anything that displeases a person. Some people blow up. They may shout, scream, rant or rave and after they have done so, they cool down and return to normal. Others on the other hand, keep their anger or bitterness inside them by clamming up. They may display their displeasure in their faces or body language but they would not vocalize it or act on it there and then.
To maintain a strong marital bond then, the experts suggest that couples should take concrete steps to avoid conflicts that can come from the little stuff. One way is to talk things out while you have some private time with your partner. Remember that open communication is key to understanding and finding solutions to any marital issue and this should never be taken for granted.
Can you imagine? This woman’s true character was finally showing up at age 52! Amazing! She later admitted to deep feelings of competitiveness with her daughter since she was a teenager. Character is fundamentally crucial to the success of a marriage, the long term negotiation of differences, and marital conflict resolution in marriage.
On the other hand, if both spouses are at least willing to try to save the marriage and mature enough to recognize that at least some of the blame might be their own, marriage counseling has a good chance of helping save the relationship. So how does marriage counseling work anyway? Well, many times, couples are so involved in the problems in their marriage they can’t really see what’s causing them.
By learning and doing what works, couples can break the pattern of unhealthy communication and create inter-generational health: happy, healthy parents raise happy, healthy families. Your children, in turn, have the capacity to pass relationship health on to the next generation. Now there’s a legacy worth leaving behind!
Commitment in a marriage is a choice by one or both partners. Hopefully both will agree on this and always maintain that spirit. If communication has broken down and negative behaviors have crept in to the relationship then some work will need to be done in order to revive the marriage.