Marriage would seem wonderfully endearing to the single man or woman who has in no way married, and probably to the divorced particular person who hankers for anything to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is very a hard work at times. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so significantly of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a excellent and a undesirable point.
We bring in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not invest too a lot cash, not seek to manage us, that they will want to invest time with us. We also deliver in expectations of what our partners need to carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to identify just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn into conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Relationship Problems Emotional Abuse
Many people would rather choose to be with “someone” else (back to “personality love”) than to remain with their spouse and face the true character of their spouses and their own! (Did you get that?). Marriage requires “character love.”
Unrealistic Presumptions: A number of young people believe marriage to be a state of permanent happiness. They are however let down in frustration and disappointment early in the marriages when they discover otherwise.
Over the course of a marriage, or any long term relationship, for that matter, there are times when the best thing to do is try it the other persons way. The capitulating partner comes from a place that basically says, “Our relationship and our happiness is more important to me than this issue. Let’s try it your way.”
Accept that nobody is perfect. Overcoming marriage problem is not easy if you and your spouse are blaming each other. Realize that nobody is perfect and people commit mistakes including your spouse. Even if you want everything to be perfect, you and your spouse will not always do the right thing. Mistakes are always part of life and how you learn or recover from those mistakes is all that matters.
I know what I am saying might sound radical to you, but before you turn away from reading the rest of this article, allow me to reveal to you the ONE single ROOT of ALL marital conflicts. What Is The Root of All Conflicts?.
Words such as, “You are so stupid, why did I marry you in the first place?” are intensely damaging to the marriage relationship. Successfully married couples know the secret of arguing correctly. Their secret is to stick to the facts (rather than opinions) and issues about the conflict.
Can This Marriage Be Saved Stories
It is the part of our brain that makes us distinctively and uniquely human. Some animals and perhaps porpoises have rudimentary cortexes’, but the human cortex is far superior. It would be nice if the cortex controlled our lives and our marriages, but alas and alack, that unfortunately rarely happens in the real world. Most marriages are run on reptilian and mammalian energy.
Is true only in the sense that we cannot consciously choose to feel any given emotion at a certain time. Emotions “happen” while we are engaged in life. While they can be understood intelligently and rationally, they cannot be “turned on” by choice.
Find solutions where both people get what they want. Compromise can leave people foaming at the mouth because it can mean that they have to sacrifice what they want to accommodate their partner. Be willing to think outside the box and find new ways forward to accommodate each partner’s wishes.
Is your relationship or marriage on the rocks? Is your job adding stress to your life? Do you miss the times when you came home after a good day at work and you embraced your spouse with childish enthusiasm? Do you want to feel that excitement and joy again with your partner? You can.
When offended, a person may yell, curse, throw things, hit, or any number of reactions that express anger in a violent way. These actions may be strictly verbal, physical, or both. This is PEACE BREAKING.
When you don’t know how to communicate and solve problems as a couple and you have children, they are unable to learn these skills from you. In turn, they grow up not knowing how to have healthy relationships. The result is an inter-generational problem: kids grow up having the same relationship struggles their parents have.
For the most part, there is only one single sure-fire way to do the most “correct” plus uplifting thing which marriage requires. That magical solution is to “treat the other person in the same way as you would like them to treat YOU!.
But what if you’re afraid you’ve waited too long? Does marriage counseling work if only one spouse is truly committed to saving the marriage? That really depends on a lot of things. The good news is that many marriages and relationships have been saved through the dedicated efforts of one caring partner.
Speak about what actually happened, who did what, what was said by whom and when, how you felt when it happened and how your partner’s words or actions affected you.
Or “How can I turn this conflict into a success?”, you’ll find that your mind always feeds you with an answer. Remember, if you ask a dis-empowering question like this: “How I am supposed to adopt an attitude of hope in the middle of this chaos?” you’re mind will most likely tell you.
Love is an action, as in something you do. It is not a feeling. Feelings come and go, but your actions need to remain steady. Therefore, no matter what, even if you are angry, work on being kind and loving.
So if your partner criticizes you and you had some history with a critical parent or older brother or sister or teacher, your Old Brain may react emotionally and reactively as though you were once again living with and dealing with that old critic. This can happen even when you consciously know that your partner is different than the old critic and you are now an adult, not a child.
Too many people make a choice to stay married, rather than making a decision to stay married, then they find themselves revisiting their choice every time things don’t go their way in a marriage. Make the decision to stay married, and then you don’t have to be revisiting the matter each day.
Do you wish your marriage felt better to you? Do you have some minor relationship problems you would like to fix? Or maybe you have some problems that feel huge and you are tired of them. Either way, you want less pain and more pleasure in your marriage.
But marriage lasts too long, the encounters become constant, and in close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF which is much deeper and stronger.
So where can you go to learn these skills? Both marriage counseling and relationship psychoeducation for couples have demonstrated effectiveness. Successful approaches include, learning proven skills for communication and confiding effectively, resolving misunderstanding and conflict productively, healing old relationship wounds permanently and increasing intimacy successfully.
Honour each other’s feelings and needs as valid. If a person feels invalidated and disrespected they are not likely to be open to finding solutions with you. So, listening and allowing your partner to express their feelings. Then repeat to them what you think you heard them say so that they know you have fully understood them. You do not have to agree with their feelings, just respect and validate them.