Marriage appears wonderfully endearing to the single particular person who has never married, and probably to the divorced particular person who hankers for some thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is fairly a hard operate at instances. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so considerably of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a excellent and a bad thing.
We bring in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not spend too significantly cash, not seek out to handle us, that they will want to spend time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners need to bring to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to name just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now grow to be conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Can A Marriage Be Saved After Both Have Cheated
Well, people only knew a “personality” not the “character” of that person. Character in the end is the constellation of enduring traits that are manifested in the ways that an individual reacts to the extreme challenges of life. When you and your spouse met, you met each other’s personalities. You showed to the other person the most brilliant side of you or your public persona.
Good Communication: Couples who must succeed in marriage must possess the ability to go beyond mere daily information. There must be some deep form of communication in which feelings and emotions must be communicated. It must be fun to them to sometimes sit out, relax and just talk about themselves.
Can you imagine? This woman’s true character was finally showing up at age 52! Amazing! She later admitted to deep feelings of competitiveness with her daughter since she was a teenager. Character is fundamentally crucial to the success of a marriage, the long term negotiation of differences, and marital conflict resolution in marriage.
This partly explains why suddenly with our life partner, we can feel an intensity of feeling powerless, fearful, helpless even though we intellectually know we are not powerless and helpless. The “Timeless” Old Brain The second thing that is important to know about the Old Brain is that is has no concept of time. It knows nothing about years, decades, and schedules. It lives in the “eternal now.”
Many people would rather choose to be with “someone” else (back to “personality love”) than to remain with their spouse and face the true character of their spouses and their own! (Did you get that?). Marriage requires “character love.”
And life of my partner wasn’t any better. We were at each other’s hair all the time and this started to affect not just my family life, but also my professional life. I found it very hard to concentrate because my mind constantly busy worrying about my marriage.
Stop Divorce Prayers
For many of us, dealing with conflict in our marriage is not something we handle very well, especially with all the unsolicited advice we get from friends and family that leave you feeling alone and unsure what to do to save your marriage.
I like to say that character is the “raw” self without the façade and the defense mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. Have you heard the statement: “We never though this person would do this?”.
Finance: This plays a major role in relationships and marriages. A case where the other partner spends without consideration always creates problems in the home, sometimes leading to separation or even divorce.
What’s the difference between good marriages and bad marriages? Several ways you could answer that, but one thing it’s not. It is not that bad marriages have a lot of conflicts while good marriages are fortunate enough to never have any. After thirty years of marriage, I can tell you that all marriages have conflicts.
I know what I am saying might sound radical to you, but before you turn away from reading the rest of this article, allow me to reveal to you the ONE single ROOT of ALL marital conflicts. What Is The Root of All Conflicts?.
Do you want some free advice to save your marriage? Take it from me. I have counseled countless couples whose marriages were on the rocks. The big picture is that to save your marriage YOU must change first before expecting your spouse to change.
The problem comes when couples approach conflict as a win-lose situation, which makes it very difficult to reach a compromise. It’s simply human nature to want to be right, and so we approach resolving conflict from a right or wrong perspective.
Be completely honest. Admit wrongs without blame-shifting. Don’t counter accuse by saying, “I admit I was wrong in the first place but you were wrong in the second place also”. Leave out the ‘but’ part.
Your motive is to relax and unwind but your wife may need you home to look after the children while she prepares dinner. Therefore, she expects you to understand her situation and come home immediately after work. The baby is crying, the twins are fighting and your oldest son is self-absorbed in playing computer games.
Oftentimes, arguments can come from small issues. But before you shrug it off as only “small,” marriage therapists and studies have proven time and again that it’s these minor issues that can be blown out of proportion and cause major fights among married couples that, in worse cases, could end up in divorce.
Commitment in a marriage is a choice by one or both partners. Hopefully both will agree on this and always maintain that spirit. If communication has broken down and negative behaviors have crept in to the relationship then some work will need to be done in order to revive the marriage.
The important thing to understand about the Mid-Brain is that our emotions are not controlled by the conscious, intentional part of our brain (that’s coming next). The old saying, “Emotions have no brains”.
Conflict will be present in even the best marriages. A couple that says they never have conflict is either in denial or they just aren’t really living. Unfortunately when couples think of conflict they will often attach negative connotations to it. A better way to understand conflict in marriage would be to look at it introspectively.
For example, if I’m upset with my husband and I emotionally withdraw, he doesn’t have a clue why, but he will recognize my distance and his thoughts will begin to ponder “what’s wrong here?” If he is a peacemaker.
Our natural desire is to find a pleasurable solution, but most couples don’t know how to recover when they experience relationship problems. Usually they keep doing over and over what they know to do and it doesn’t work.