Marriage would seem wonderfully endearing to the single man or woman who has in no way married, and perhaps to the divorced person who hankers for anything to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for virtually all of us is really a tough operate at times. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so significantly of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a excellent and a poor point.
We carry in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not spend also considerably income, not seek to control us, that they will want to invest time with us. We also deliver in expectations of what our partners need to bring to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to title just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn into aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
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Nobody ever said being married was going to be easy. In fact, marriage can be quite a challenge from day one. It is obvious that the minds of two people in love, are not capable of thinking rationally. For the most part, they are dreamers. And because their thinking is clouded by this thing called love, they get married. Shortly after the marriage, reality sets in.
Instead, you should understand that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. This one essential skill is missing in so many marriages today and thus we are seeing marriages dissolve at an alarming rate. I know this idea is contrary to everything we hear and see around us. So much of the focus in our culture is about people finding compatibility with others.
In my many years of mentoring couples in business and personal relationships, I have found certain 7 “Proactive Actions” which, if taken by either (but more successfully by both) spouse, go a long way to resolving just about all conflicts which arise in a marriage. Make the decision to stay married, A choice becomes a decision when you assassinate all options – when you burn down all exit doors!.
It is also of great help to see what others have done to save their marriages, because, as surprising as it may seem, human beings are predictable, and it is not unusual for couples around the globe, from past and present, to have done the same mistakes over and over.
There are basically two reactions towards anything that displeases a person. Some people blow up. They may shout, scream, rant or rave and after they have done so, they cool down and return to normal. Others on the other hand, keep their anger or bitterness inside them by clamming up. They may display their displeasure in their faces or body language but they would not vocalize it or act on it there and then.
The house is a mess, the noise is driving your wife crazy and the dinner is getting burnt. By the time you get home, your wife is seriously stressed out and is about to kill you for being so inconsiderate. What happens next is a domestic ‘World War III’.
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These and other skills that are important to creating a healthy happy marriage are developed through practice. One of the benefits of getting help from a trained marriage counselor is that they have been taught techniques and skills designed to strengthen and repair relationships.
But marriage lasts too long, the encounters become constant, and in close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF which is much deeper and stronger.
You’re sure to go through many problems in those years, and how you handle those as a couple can show if you will make a good couple in marriage. Obviously if you fight about those problems and feel like you don’t want to be together, don’t get married. It seems like a simple idea, but one that isn’t taken to heart by many people very often.
Open communication and a willingness to compromise for the good of the household can negate a lot of these types of conflicts. Of course, there are plenty of additional causes of marital strife that arise based on individual circumstances. Regardless, one of the key components to rectifying marital disputes first determining their source.
Conflict will be present in even the best marriages. A couple that says they never have conflict is either in denial or they just aren’t really living. Unfortunately when couples think of conflict they will often attach negative connotations to it. A better way to understand conflict in marriage would be to look at it introspectively.
Your husband needs someone to talk to but you do not realize it. On other occasions he may want to have sex with you, not as an outlet for his stress, but to genuinely express his love for you, but again, you are not up to it.
I know what I am saying might sound radical to you, but before you turn away from reading the rest of this article, allow me to reveal to you the ONE single ROOT of ALL marital conflicts. What Is The Root of All Conflicts?.
A great marriage is a gift. The gift needs to be nurtured and cared for to survive and thrive. Growing closer through conflict is an opportunity. Grasp it and continue to grow with your partner. Seek the knowledge of those who can help you move in the right direction, especially when you feel you are alone in your efforts.
Is there really a way in which you can permanently end marriage conflict? Well probably not completely cut it out, but make it less of a problem yes. First and most important is to make sure you are marrying for the right reason, and the right person.
Along with the right mindset, you also need to be doing the right things, so, if you’re not sure about what you are doing, consider stepping back and reflecting upon your intended actions, and possibly ask yourself (again empowering questions): “Will this serve my marriage? Will it increase my chances of success?” if the answer is no, then maybe consider an alternate action.
But what if you’re afraid you’ve waited too long? Does marriage counseling work if only one spouse is truly committed to saving the marriage? That really depends on a lot of things. The good news is that many marriages and relationships have been saved through the dedicated efforts of one caring partner.
Our natural desire is to find a pleasurable solution, but most couples don’t know how to recover when they experience relationship problems. Usually they keep doing over and over what they know to do and it doesn’t work.
Ideally, when a marriage faces a challenge, both husband and wife learn, grow, and if necessary admit faults & makes corrections. As a result the marriage bond tightens. The couple is more confident in their relationship. Since their marital conflict didn’t destroy them, they are more assured that when future challenges come, they can work through those too.
Perhaps this viable recommendation sounds a bit familiar to you… and very well, it should. This marriage-saving solution comprises a derivative of the very same message that manages humankind on the most elevated levels of caring, commitment, and selflessness.