Marriage seems wonderfully endearing to the single individual who has in no way married, and probably to the divorced man or woman who hankers for something to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for virtually all of us is quite a hard function at times. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so significantly of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a great and a bad point.
We bring in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not devote as well much income, not seek out to control us, that they will want to devote time with us. We also deliver in expectations of what our partners must deliver to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to name just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now become conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Can A Marriage Be Saved After Both Have Cheated
His/her character could be the nasty, darkest, most competitive, vengeful part of that person and you never saw it fully displayed until a crisis evolved. Love making, kissing, tenderness, kindness and all the good gestures before the crisis where part of his/her personality. The crisis is, perhaps, the first time when your spouse stands truly, emotionally naked, in front of you for the first time.
They get married too soon, and too fast. Be it for love and romance, or for the sake of a baby that’s on the way, or two kids just looking for a way to get out of their parents house, improper planning is one of the root causes of marital conflict.
Prevention is always better than cure. Preempt an argument wherever possible. Learn what rubs your partner the wrong way, what his or her pet peeves are and avoid these like the plague. Integrity is a must in conflict resolution.
The problem comes when couples approach conflict as a win-lose situation, which makes it very difficult to reach a compromise. It’s simply human nature to want to be right, and so we approach resolving conflict from a right or wrong perspective.
The house is a mess, the noise is driving your wife crazy and the dinner is getting burnt. By the time you get home, your wife is seriously stressed out and is about to kill you for being so inconsiderate. What happens next is a domestic ‘World War III’.
How does that affect us? It basically sets our expectations about what our marriages should be like and if they are not, then, divorce is inevitable. Which is a completely false expectation and will only set us up for failure.
Difficulties In Love Marriage
For many of us, dealing with conflict in our marriage is not something we handle very well, especially with all the unsolicited advice we get from friends and family that leave you feeling alone and unsure what to do to save your marriage.
Marriage conflict is par for the course but does not have to end in divorce. Conflict can be transformed into harmony if you are willing to find new solutions to problems. Admit when you are wrong and apologize. Most of us refuse to believe we have done anything wrong when the finger gets pointed at us.
At this point, you tend to wonder more than ever, “What on earth can I do about saving my marriage?” The effects of the above are tough ones for almost any sensitive, dedicated, or caring individual to handle. Your former beliefs may even be turned almost upside down by such shocking relationship surprises.
As a couple you should both have leadership qualities. The essence of leadership is: “To lead people to willingly do things that they would normally not want to do themselves.” Here are some ways to manage marital conflicts and resolve differences; understanding them will be your marriage saving secrets. Make sure your spouse understands the issues and if possible clarify the issues.
If the relationship is experiencing a hard phase and partners do not intend to lose the marriage it is good to consult a counselor or search for tips to save marriage with the below given simple steps, Marriage Conflict Resolution Tips. Most often, couples decide to break up without acknowledging the reasons or root cause of their problem.
Look carefully at your role in the conflict. So often we will convince ourselves that it is the other person’s fault. We console and justify to ourselves that the conflict is 90 percent “their” fault. Begin by taking responsibility for the 10 percent of fault that is yours.
When you look back at the good times in your life and you miss the excitement and enthusiasm you want it back. But how do you get there from here? It has been such a long time since feeling that way, the roaring flames of romance has long since been reduced to mere smoldering embers.
Your husband needs someone to talk to but you do not realize it. On other occasions he may want to have sex with you, not as an outlet for his stress, but to genuinely express his love for you, but again, you are not up to it.
One day I decided to do something about it. I just could not stand it anymore. I wanted to be happy, enthusiastic, loving, energetic person I once was. And I wanted my partner to smile again, love me again just like when we just met.
Many people would rather choose to be with “someone” else (back to “personality love”) than to remain with their spouse and face the true character of their spouses and their own! (Did you get that?). Marriage requires “character love.”
In an instant, your heart rate would increase, your breathing would become more rapid, your eyes would dilate, your mouth would get a little drier, your adrenal glands would start pumping and you would likely tense your muscles getting ready to run or fight or do something.
Here is one principle my wife and I have practiced ever since our courting days. Never go to bed with unresolved conflicts. Even if you have to stay up all night to talk things through, do it if it can restore peace between you both. Then you can both sleep in peace. I know it is not always possible but this is a good practice and you should work towards it as far as possible.
They can’t figure out what to do differently. Most of the time people don’t know how to successfully communicate and productively solve problems together. This is one reason why 75% of all new marriages end up either in separation or divorce, or unhappily staying wed.
Well of course you’ll have conflicts. You are two people coming from two families with two different backgrounds, personalities, interests, life aspirations, expectations, cultures, biases, prejudices (oh yes you do!), political perspectives, religious experiences, spending patterns, and soooo much more.
This act of submission saves the wolf’s life and the wolf pack remains intact. We suspect that the reason many people stay in dangerously abusive marriages is this “old brain’s” impulse to submit as a way of surviving. The Old Brain and Safety, When the old brain perceives safety, the parasympathetic system takes over and in safety the old brain knows how to do five things.
Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand. You can not have a successful marriage without character. Character is what keeps a marriage together through the seasons of conflict and bitter disappointments.
Weary from the discontent of trying to find peace with someone you love? Have you endured sleepless nights? Have the arguments lasted way too long into the night? It’s time to make a change, a total transformation of your interaction with your loved one.