Marriage seems wonderfully endearing to the single individual who has by no means married, and probably to the divorced individual who hankers for something to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for almost all of us is quite a difficult function at occasions. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so considerably of ourselves into our marriages – which is each a great and a negative thing.
We bring in expectations of becoming ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not devote as well much income, not seek out to manage us, that they will want to spend time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners must carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to title just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now grow to be conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Lord Help Me Save My Marriage
The Big Six are the areas of communication, money, sex, children, in-laws and religion. Perhaps we should call it the Big Seven, and add the all important issue of who gets to hold the TV remote control. No kidding, I’ve actually had couples fighting over this issue. I’ve even had them fighting over the age old issue of how to hang the toilet paper roll, over or under.
Usually couples value from seeing their problems are a lot like the problems other couples have. They tend to gain encouragement from experiencing not just their own immediate positive results, but also the rapid changes of the other participants.
Most people don’t get married believing that insurmountable conflicts with their spouse are going to arise over the course of their relationships. Consequently, this often means that when issue resulting in conflict do arise, they take couple by surprise and can lead to disillusionment – or worse.
Find solutions where both people get what they want. Compromise can leave people foaming at the mouth because it can mean that they have to sacrifice what they want to accommodate their partner. Be willing to think outside the box and find new ways forward to accommodate each partner’s wishes.
Or “How can I turn this conflict into a success?”, you’ll find that your mind always feeds you with an answer. Remember, if you ask a dis-empowering question like this: “How I am supposed to adopt an attitude of hope in the middle of this chaos?” you’re mind will most likely tell you.
Nobody ever said being married was going to be easy. In fact, marriage can be quite a challenge from day one. It is obvious that the minds of two people in love, are not capable of thinking rationally. For the most part, they are dreamers. And because their thinking is clouded by this thing called love, they get married. Shortly after the marriage, reality sets in.
Stop Divorce Prayers
The Old Brain and Danger, When the Old Brain perceives risk or danger, pain or frustration, it knows how to do five general strategies. The Old Brain knows how to hide. How do you hide in relationships?.
One of the main areas a therapist can help a couple is in developing healthy and effective communication skills. It’s no secret that many problems in a relationship can be traced to communication issues. Teaching a couple to communicate effectively is one of the ways a marriage counselor can help.
Make the decision, with your spouse, to be committed to the relationship not matter what. Be Loving and Kind To One Another – You are a team now. The two became one. It is about two people, you AND me, rather than you VERSUS me. If you can remember that you two are a team, and that teammates work together, you will handle things differently. Remember, there is no “I” in “TEAM.”
Be aware of your own body language and what it may be saying. Talk in a calm, respectful voice. Ranting and raving accomplishes nothing. Remember that a fair argument can enhance a marriage. Fight for your marriage, not to win.
That’s when character gets revealed. That’s when the personality fades away and you meet a different person for the first time. Sometimes that sweet spouse you met turns to drugs or some bizarre behavior and you say to yourself, “How could that have happened?”.
It is also of great help to see what others have done to save their marriages, because, as surprising as it may seem, human beings are predictable, and it is not unusual for couples around the globe, from past and present, to have done the same mistakes over and over.
When you do step away from the situation, take time to remember why you love your partner and why you came together in the first place. Be grateful for all the positive aspects of your relationship and your partner. Just this act of conscious gratitude will put you in a more positive frame of mind to begin the healing process.
These differences may lead to schisms and disagreements which may even result in confrontations, arguments and fights. Therefore in any successful relationship, conflict resolution is an essential trait. Good conflict resolution skills may very well save your marriage. But there is an enemy of good conflict resolution within each one of us.
When you look back at the good times in your life and you miss the excitement and enthusiasm you want it back. But how do you get there from here? It has been such a long time since feeling that way, the roaring flames of romance has long since been reduced to mere smoldering embers.
Marriage conflict is par for the course but does not have to end in divorce. Conflict can be transformed into harmony if you are willing to find new solutions to problems. Admit when you are wrong and apologize. Most of us refuse to believe we have done anything wrong when the finger gets pointed at us.
Their spouse is a mirror reflecting their true CHARACTER. And most people don’t like what they see. Divorce is often found in the backrooms of our characters and the utter dislike of our characters.
The Mid-Brain (The Mammalian Brain), The second brain, like it or not, is similar to mammals. This is the part of our brain that mediates or controls emotion. We generally do not think of snakes or lizards as having emotion, but mammals (dogs, cats, etc.) experience what we call emotion. They can be afraid, angry, loving, happy, etc. Humans have a wide and rich range of emotion.
My general advice to all couples is to give up your individual rights for the sake of your spouse. That is the first step towards personal change. When your spouse can see the changes in you, he or she will begin to change, too. Then and only then can there be any hope of saving your marriage.
Perhaps this viable recommendation sounds a bit familiar to you… and very well, it should. This marriage-saving solution comprises a derivative of the very same message that manages humankind on the most elevated levels of caring, commitment, and selflessness.