Marriage would seem wonderfully endearing to the single person who has by no means married, and possibly to the divorced person who hankers for one thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is really a tough work at occasions. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a excellent and a poor thing.
We bring in expectations of being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not spend too a lot cash, not seek to control us, that they will want to commit time with us. We also deliver in expectations of what our partners need to carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to identify just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn into aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
Relationship Problems Emotional Abuse
What About The Old Brain?, For simplicity’s sake, in this WEB site, we will lump the Hindbrain and the Midbrain together and refer to them as “The Old Brain.” It is “old” not in the sense that it is out of date or not as valuable as the Cortex (The “New Brain”). We actually are wise to learn to deeply respect, value and honor the “Old Brain.”
These and other skills that are important to creating a healthy happy marriage are developed through practice. One of the benefits of getting help from a trained marriage counselor is that they have been taught techniques and skills designed to strengthen and repair relationships.
This partly explains why suddenly with our life partner, we can feel an intensity of feeling powerless, fearful, helpless even though we intellectually know we are not powerless and helpless. The “Timeless” Old Brain The second thing that is important to know about the Old Brain is that is has no concept of time. It knows nothing about years, decades, and schedules. It lives in the “eternal now.”
The shock shouldn’t be that you experience any conflict, but rather that you actually get along!. Why Couples Argue?, The primary reason couples have disagreements and/or arguments is that living together forces people to face their differences – differences that can become sources of irritation – if not outright contention – over time.
These differences may lead to schisms and disagreements which may even result in confrontations, arguments and fights. Therefore in any successful relationship, conflict resolution is an essential trait. Good conflict resolution skills may very well save your marriage. But there is an enemy of good conflict resolution within each one of us.
Nearly EVERY “saving-my-marriage” solution equates to something you can affectionately refer to as “Mastering The Art of Unconditional Love,” and there are few who consciously practice it — mostly because they remain in an unconscious state of blinded awareness in matters or romantic relationships or marital compassion.
Difficulties In Love Marriage
You would not consciously think and choose to do these things; they would all immediately and automatically happen because the hindbrain kicked into activity and went to work to make sure you survive.
However, to put this plainly, “it works” and can help you get to the core of marital conflict while resolving problems and removing sources of relationship trouble with well rounded effectiveness plus permanency.
Love is an action, as in something you do. It is not a feeling. Feelings come and go, but your actions need to remain steady. Therefore, no matter what, even if you are angry, work on being kind and loving.
They can’t figure out what to do differently. Most of the time people don’t know how to successfully communicate and productively solve problems together. This is one reason why 75% of all new marriages end up either in separation or divorce, or unhappily staying wed.
Listen carefully to their response, restate it to them to be certain you both are hearing things the way they were intended. Ask for their feedback on your statements to be certain they understand what you are saying.
Conflict will be present in even the best marriages. A couple that says they never have conflict is either in denial or they just aren’t really living. Unfortunately when couples think of conflict they will often attach negative connotations to it. A better way to understand conflict in marriage would be to look at it introspectively.
But it is “old” in the sense in that it is the more primitive part of our Brain. There are two things every couple should know about the Old Brain. The Mr. Magoo of the Brain Set, First, the Old Brain is the Mr. Magoo of the Brain Set. It has a dimmed, fuzzy impression of the outside world. Like the mostly blind Mr. Magoo, the Old Brain constantly confuses people and events.
It is unrealistic to think that you can eliminate conflict from a relationship. A good marriage and family counselor will instead teach a couple healthy ways to resolve their conflicts without damaging their relationship.
Everything involving how money is spent, jobs, children, where you will live and anything that is will be important for the future of the marriage needs to be addressed. Successful businesses always start with a successful business plan, and successful marriages will always start with a successful marriage plan.
Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand. You can not have a successful marriage without character. Character is what keeps a marriage together through the seasons of conflict and bitter disappointments.
There should be a study done with couples who waited to marry for say three years and see if the rate of divorce is better. It would be interesting to see if this would help out as much as it seems like it should.
It is common for any initial discomfort you have to go away early in the workshop. An added value: couples are likely to spend significantly less time and money to obtain positive results. How do you decide what services are right for you and your spouse? Start by seeking out a counselor who specializes in relationship problems.
Weary from the discontent of trying to find peace with someone you love? Have you endured sleepless nights? Have the arguments lasted way too long into the night? It’s time to make a change, a total transformation of your interaction with your loved one.
The principle here is to practice honesty is a respectful way. And here’s how you can be honest with your mate & complain, and still respectful at the same time. Let’s say a wife is neglected by her husband.