Marriage appears wonderfully endearing to the single person who has by no means married, and perhaps to the divorced man or woman who hankers for one thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for virtually all of us is really a difficult work at times. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so significantly of ourselves into our marriages – which is each a very good and a undesirable issue.
We bring in expectations of being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not commit also much funds, not seek to handle us, that they will want to commit time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners need to carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to identify just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn out to be aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
Can A Marriage Be Saved After Both Have Cheated
And life of my partner wasn’t any better. We were at each other’s hair all the time and this started to affect not just my family life, but also my professional life. I found it very hard to concentrate because my mind constantly busy worrying about my marriage.
When offended, a person may yell, curse, throw things, hit, or any number of reactions that express anger in a violent way. These actions may be strictly verbal, physical, or both. This is PEACE BREAKING.
When you don’t know how to communicate and solve problems as a couple and you have children, they are unable to learn these skills from you. In turn, they grow up not knowing how to have healthy relationships. The result is an inter-generational problem: kids grow up having the same relationship struggles their parents have.
Begin with these seven steps and you will be on your way quickly to resolve your conflict. If your marriage is struggling, and you find yourself dealing with conflict-resolving issues with your spouse, you may be wondering if divorce is the only option left. After all, the loving feelings you once shared with your spouse seem to have disappeared and all that is left is unhappiness.
This is the kind of pressure that our society is putting on married people who have issues that could still be repairable, but who might just give up. In the end, for many people, divorce is an easier solution than reconciliation. However, what if you discovered that it is really the other way around? Divorce is not as easy of a process as some would want you to believe.
And, very importantly, must do it in a respectful way. In premarital counseling, I often say to couples, if something is bothering you in your marriage, you need to say something about it to your mate. Go ahead and complain. When you do, you’re being honest with your mate.
Good Communication: Couples who must succeed in marriage must possess the ability to go beyond mere daily information. There must be some deep form of communication in which feelings and emotions must be communicated. It must be fun to them to sometimes sit out, relax and just talk about themselves.
Difficulties In Love Marriage
Over the course of a marriage, or any long term relationship, for that matter, there are times when the best thing to do is try it the other persons way. The capitulating partner comes from a place that basically says, “Our relationship and our happiness is more important to me than this issue. Let’s try it your way.”
I am not saying you should become like a puppet to your partner without a will of your own. There are certain things that cannot be compromised. For example, having an affair is not allowed and physical abuse cannot be tolerated. But in a marriage, these non-negotiable things are few. In most things a certain degree of compromise is possible and even crucial in saving your marriage.
Look carefully at your role in the conflict. So often we will convince ourselves that it is the other person’s fault. We console and justify to ourselves that the conflict is 90 percent “their” fault. Begin by taking responsibility for the 10 percent of fault that is yours.
In this series of articles, I’d like to share with you principles for handling any conflict. Here’s the first principle for dealing with any conflict. You’ve got to be honest with each other in a marriage.
Finally, the Old Brain knows how to submit. Submitting, interestingly, can be a protective strategy. When a wolf challenges the head of the wolf pack for leadership, there is a terrific fight. Eventually, the losing wolf will roll over on his back an expose his neck to the conquering wolf. The conquering wolf will place his jaws around the submitting wolf’s neck, but won’t kill it.
What this typically leads to is one person usually getting their way or their needs met at the expense of the other person. While this may work for awhile, it eventually leads to bitterness and resentment.
One of the most often asked questions I face in dealing with marital conflict is: “Why did things change so much since I married?” or “This is not the same person I met!” or worst yet… “I was deceived… I met person A and now I come to find out I am living with person B!”.
Finance: This plays a major role in relationships and marriages. A case where the other partner spends without consideration always creates problems in the home, sometimes leading to separation or even divorce.
Meaning, although the two of you might individually wonder “Exactly what solution will work for saving my marriage,” your partner, guilty or not, needful or not, may be too distracted by the physical and emotional “smoke” of a relationship gone sour, in order to take advantage of the best romance curing advice that exists.
There are entire dating services structured around that idea. I believe though, that a better thing to focus on is learning healthy conflict resolution. The truth is that every relationship is going to find itself facing conflict at some point. If everyone simply decided to throw in the towel and quit the relationship, no marriage would last.
When the time comes to continue the discussion it always helps to lovingly remind them that during your time of reflection, you realized how grateful you are for them, for your relationship, whatever it is that you value about them. This paves the way for heartfelt discussions.
If your partner hasn’t understood your motives or misunderstood what you said, don’t get angry. Explain what you truly mean. Do not judge one another but instead try to understand each other. You must unconditionally love and accept each other no matter what each says to the other. Remember you are trying to resolve conflicts, not win arguments.
Not long ago a mother confided in me (after a number of conversations) that after 32 years of marriage she was actually flipping because she was comparing her daughter’s marriage with hers and she saw her daughter happier than she had herself ever been. She was actually contemplating divorce to find someone that would provide her with what she thought was missing in her life.