Marriage seems wonderfully endearing to the single person who has never married, and perhaps to the divorced man or woman who hankers for anything to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for practically all of us is fairly a difficult function at instances. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so considerably of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a excellent and a undesirable point.
We bring in expectations of being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not invest also a lot funds, not seek to control us, that they will want to spend time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners need to bring to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to name just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn into aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
Relationship Problems Emotional Abuse
It’s important to not leave the time open ended as that can lead to expectations. Expectations should always be avoided as they will typically end in disappointment.
The single most effective tip to help save your marriage is simply the adoption of a positive attitude, condition yourself in such a way that there is a certain believe that you can really salvage your marriage if you actually try. By actually try; I mean that if you use the same strategies that has been successfully used by other couples to resolve their marital differences.
Learn to take responsibility and apologize when you have done something that has upset your partner even if you cannot understand why, as this assures them that you care about their feelings. Later on you can get to the bottom of things in order to find a way forward so that this does not occur again.
Usually couples value from seeing their problems are a lot like the problems other couples have. They tend to gain encouragement from experiencing not just their own immediate positive results, but also the rapid changes of the other participants.
By learning and doing what works, couples can break the pattern of unhealthy communication and create inter-generational health: happy, healthy parents raise happy, healthy families. Your children, in turn, have the capacity to pass relationship health on to the next generation. Now there’s a legacy worth leaving behind!
Practice ahead of time using “I” words as opposed to “you” words. Avoid “you” words as it will always come across as accusatory. Using “I” statements demonstrates your ability to take personal responsibility for your own actions and words.
Can This Marriage Be Saved Stories
If the problem in their relationship has gone on so long that one or both partners has totally given up and has their minds set on divorce, there’s a pretty good chance that no therapist will be able to help that relationship.
You expect your spouse to act or speak a certain way or do something for you or give you what you want or know what to do without you saying it or understand how you feel etc. Let me give you some everyday examples. Suppose after work, you go somewhere with your office colleagues instead of going straight home. You hang out at a favorite place and have a good time.
Stop trying to be right just be happy, A happy marriage is not about always trying to prove which spouse is right. Rather, happy marriage partners spend their energy on being happy rather than worrying about whom is right. Build your self image and this becomes easy.
There are usually two types of responses to conflict, fight or flight. But a third response is possible and it is the only proper response to bring resolution to your problems. I’ll talk about FIGHT first.
Conflict will be present in even the best marriages. A couple that says they never have conflict is either in denial or they just aren’t really living. Unfortunately when couples think of conflict they will often attach negative connotations to it. A better way to understand conflict in marriage would be to look at it introspectively.
It is quite possible that one spouse may be completely uncooperative at that time and which is precisely when one has to take full charge of the situation and ensure that things are completely in control.
You will discover the most useful answer or reply in a moment. Meanwhile, practically every article you read concerning the topic of marriage conflict resolution gives you the standard and typical “well meaning” advice.
In the best of all possible worlds, we would be well prepared for handling conflict before we get married. My experience in my office tells me that is just not the case for most couples. Part of the reason for this is there is just so much in a marriage relationship that can cause conflict. I’ve written before about what’s called the Big Six, the six main areas of conflict in marriage.
Nikki told me during a marriage conflict intervention, “The person my husband Mike now calls a “bitch” was never like that ten years ago.” “How would you describe the Nikki of ten years ago?” I asked her. “Sweet, pleasant, romantic, willing to go the extra mile, considerate and kind,” she said.
I like to say that character is the “raw” self without the façade and the defense mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. Have you heard the statement: “We never though this person would do this?”.
The problem comes when couples approach conflict as a win-lose situation, which makes it very difficult to reach a compromise. It’s simply human nature to want to be right, and so we approach resolving conflict from a right or wrong perspective.
Therefore when something happens “now” that is similar to something that happened years ago as a child, the Old Brain (that controls emotion and reactivity) connects to the prior experience as information about the present event, but does not experience the old experience as “old.” The emotion that was present then is brought into the present experience and we experience the combined emotion of then and now.
Millions of people around the globe are experiencing the same problem – difficulties in their marriages. Every marriage will go through some rough patches at some point, but some of us will be forced to experience a way bigger share of marriage conflicts than the others. Constant arguing, spitefulness and endless conflicts are daily occurrences in your life.
If you can learn to do this, you will find that you don’t get upset or angry near as often. Let your spouse be who they are. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. So step back, and let things go. Not everything is a personal attack on you.
“You can’t, you might as well give up now!”, remember, keep asking yourself empowering questions, and if you find yourself asking dis-empowering questions, make it a habit to ask three empowering questions in return and in no time, you’ll be setting yourself for success.
Spend time with your partner as this helps them feel important to you. It is a recipe for marriage conflict if you get married and then spend your time constantly overworking, playing golf or going out with your girlfriends. Your partner may feel neglected and abandoned and wonder why they married you in the first place.
The Mid-Brain (The Mammalian Brain), The second brain, like it or not, is similar to mammals. This is the part of our brain that mediates or controls emotion. We generally do not think of snakes or lizards as having emotion, but mammals (dogs, cats, etc.) experience what we call emotion. They can be afraid, angry, loving, happy, etc. Humans have a wide and rich range of emotion.