Marriage appears wonderfully endearing to the single individual who has by no means married, and possibly to the divorced particular person who hankers for something to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is fairly a tough work at instances. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages – which is each a excellent and a poor factor.
We carry in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not invest too considerably income, not seek to handle us, that they will want to invest time with us. We also deliver in expectations of what our partners must carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to identify just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn out to be conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Can A Marriage Be Saved After Both Have Cheated
When you look back at the good times in your life and you miss the excitement and enthusiasm you want it back. But how do you get there from here? It has been such a long time since feeling that way, the roaring flames of romance has long since been reduced to mere smoldering embers.
In every marriage, there will be disagreements. One of the keys to a successful relationship is having the capacity to manage or handle conflicts. Avoiding conflict or being afraid of rocking the marriage boat or keeping peace at any price will hurt a marriage. Sometimes, the ability to monitor and resolve conflict is what makes or breaks a marriage.
It is unrealistic to think that you can eliminate conflict from a relationship. A good marriage and family counselor will instead teach a couple healthy ways to resolve their conflicts without damaging their relationship.
On the other hand, if both spouses are at least willing to try to save the marriage and mature enough to recognize that at least some of the blame might be their own, marriage counseling has a good chance of helping save the relationship. So how does marriage counseling work anyway? Well, many times, couples are so involved in the problems in their marriage they can’t really see what’s causing them.
Many people would rather choose to be with “someone” else (back to “personality love”) than to remain with their spouse and face the true character of their spouses and their own! (Did you get that?). Marriage requires “character love.”
God might be saying in the area of the irresolvable troubles of marriage – “How important is this expectation?” And, “Can you let it go?”. Several of our expectations may be founded on something flawlessly ridiculous, unachievable or unsustainable – and in that, it’s up to us to change. This can be a very tough word – but it could be nonetheless truthful. And, in this existing day, as it is eternally, the truth does set us totally free.
Difficulties In Love Marriage
My general advice to all couples is to give up your individual rights for the sake of your spouse. That is the first step towards personal change. When your spouse can see the changes in you, he or she will begin to change, too. Then and only then can there be any hope of saving your marriage.
Too many spouses in a marriage demand their rights. And when these rights are not given, they get angry and continue to demand to have things their own way. Here is what I advise couples in general.
If this can be done in a civil and business like manner, it will be absolutely conducive to marriage survival. A wise man once said “Make your plan – and then work it”. Conflict between husband and wife is a normal part of every marriage. However, there comes a point when it can be damaging to the relationship if not handled properly.
Build up your self esteem and self image, Your reality is based on what you think, and what you think about yourself as a unique and valuable human being will impact how you interact with your spouse.
Thus, be humble, swallow your pride and be willing to make compromises and adjustments for the sake of saving your marriage. I would like to share some very essential tips for good conflict resolution.
Another way a good counselor can help a couple is by helping them improve their conflict resolution skills, which is just a fancy way of saying learning to get along, even when you disagree.When two people live together for any length of time, there’s bound to be some conflict.
I like to say that character is the “raw” self without the façade and the defense mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. Have you heard the statement: “We never though this person would do this?”.
Character, (the “capricious,” “reactive,” “demanding” woman) was showing up under stress and the reality of Mike’s true character, which was selfish and self-centered! Both of their characters, Mike and Nikki, were showing up during this time of crisis and their marriage was on the brink of divorce.
Make the decision, with your spouse, to be committed to the relationship not matter what. Be Loving and Kind To One Another – You are a team now. The two became one. It is about two people, you AND me, rather than you VERSUS me. If you can remember that you two are a team, and that teammates work together, you will handle things differently. Remember, there is no “I” in “TEAM.”
For the most part, there is only one single sure-fire way to do the most “correct” plus uplifting thing which marriage requires. That magical solution is to “treat the other person in the same way as you would like them to treat YOU!.
Expectations on our partners may be very easily reversed as we seek out to recognize God’s expectations of us in the marriage. God may assume us to understand our partners’ expectations – and not basically to know them (notwithstanding how peculiar they may possibly be to us) – but to wrestle with our personal potential, want and capability to meet their expectations.
Physical abuse, fertility issues, cheating, or just plain boredom or lack of love. These can break the trust that is so essential to a relationship. So how do you save a marriage that has reached this point?.
You would not consciously think and choose to do these things; they would all immediately and automatically happen because the hindbrain kicked into activity and went to work to make sure you survive.
There are two popular replies for this question. However, one of them is merely “a nice thing to say,” while the other has highly practical plus realistic value for individuals who find themselves in the throws of marital confusion and discord.
Of course, I jumped to the occasion and asked the obvious question… “Who is Nikki? The one your husband Mike met 10 years ago or the Nikki he sees now?” She soon saw the difference between personality and character. Personality, (the nice Nikki) was revealed when things were new and smooth.
But marriage lasts too long, the encounters become constant, and in close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF which is much deeper and stronger.
So where can you go to learn these skills? Both marriage counseling and relationship psychoeducation for couples have demonstrated effectiveness. Successful approaches include, learning proven skills for communication and confiding effectively, resolving misunderstanding and conflict productively, healing old relationship wounds permanently and increasing intimacy successfully.
In trying to save your marriage, you may be asked to give up on a lot of things which includes but are not limited to nagging, marital fighting, inadequate or no communication at all and infidelity but if you are getting the advice from a renowned marital problem resolution counselor, you will never be advised to give up on your marriage.