Marriage looks wonderfully endearing to the single person who has in no way married, and maybe to the divorced man or woman who hankers for some thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for almost all of us is very a tough perform at instances. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages – which is the two a excellent and a poor factor.
We bring in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not commit as well a lot funds, not seek out to management us, that they will want to devote time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners should bring to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to title just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn out to be aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
Relationship Problems Emotional Abuse
In my many years of mentoring couples in business and personal relationships, I have found certain 7 “Proactive Actions” which, if taken by either (but more successfully by both) spouse, go a long way to resolving just about all conflicts which arise in a marriage. Make the decision to stay married, A choice becomes a decision when you assassinate all options – when you burn down all exit doors!.
You expect your spouse to act or speak a certain way or do something for you or give you what you want or know what to do without you saying it or understand how you feel etc. Let me give you some everyday examples. Suppose after work, you go somewhere with your office colleagues instead of going straight home. You hang out at a favorite place and have a good time.
If your partner hasn’t understood your motives or misunderstood what you said, don’t get angry. Explain what you truly mean. Do not judge one another but instead try to understand each other. You must unconditionally love and accept each other no matter what each says to the other. Remember you are trying to resolve conflicts, not win arguments.
It is time to talk. When your marriage is getting rocky, you both have to sit down and talk about the problems. In overcoming marriage problems, it is important to keep the communication lines open. Communication is important in solving the issues in your relationship. Establish a good conversation and calmly talk about the issues in your relationship.
It is also of great help to see what others have done to save their marriages, because, as surprising as it may seem, human beings are predictable, and it is not unusual for couples around the globe, from past and present, to have done the same mistakes over and over.
So don’t buy into the lie; compatibility is not all that counts in making a happy marriage. A better thing to focus on, and develop are skills for conflict-resolving and communication. This will not only help you in your relationship with your spouse, but in all other relationships as well. And the development and refining of these skills will help to save your marriage from divorce.
Can This Marriage Be Saved Stories
Shifting the focus from the negative aspects of the conflict to the potential opportunity it presents changes the atmosphere of a marriage. A couple that begins to communicate in this way will be less likely to lash out in conflict and perpetuate negative behaviors. The nature of communication should always be in an effort to understand and move forward.
Here is one principle my wife and I have practiced ever since our courting days. Never go to bed with unresolved conflicts. Even if you have to stay up all night to talk things through, do it if it can restore peace between you both. Then you can both sleep in peace. I know it is not always possible but this is a good practice and you should work towards it as far as possible.
That’s when character gets revealed. That’s when the personality fades away and you meet a different person for the first time. Sometimes that sweet spouse you met turns to drugs or some bizarre behavior and you say to yourself, “How could that have happened?”.
Seek out a program where you and your spouse have the opportunity to learn and practice concrete skills, under supervision, you can continue to use regularly at home. Both secular and faith-based programs are available. While people sometimes express concern about sharing their problems in the presence of other couples, workshops have their own set of benefits.
Their spouse is a mirror reflecting their true CHARACTER. And most people don’t like what they see. Divorce is often found in the backrooms of our characters and the utter dislike of our characters.
Over the course of a marriage, or any long term relationship, for that matter, there are times when the best thing to do is try it the other persons way. The capitulating partner comes from a place that basically says, “Our relationship and our happiness is more important to me than this issue. Let’s try it your way.”
The following are some of the most common relational aspects that serve as catalysts to stir up the fires of conflict. Money – This is clearly a necessity that is not limitless. Not having enough cash – or not agreeing on how to budget your finances is the single most common topic of marital strife.
The difference is often that in good marriages the couples have found ways to successfully work through their conflicts, while for one reason or another the bad marriages haven’t. It’s sad to me to see a couple enter into a conflict, be unable to resolve it and then decide to bail on the marriage. It’s sad because if the couple were able to work through the issue, I know that they could be stronger than before the conflict.
Positive attitude. If you are feeling frustrated about how things are going in your marriage, it is important to have a positive attitude. Overcoming marriage problems is easier if you have a positive attitude.
Finally, the Old Brain knows how to submit. Submitting, interestingly, can be a protective strategy. When a wolf challenges the head of the wolf pack for leadership, there is a terrific fight. Eventually, the losing wolf will roll over on his back an expose his neck to the conquering wolf. The conquering wolf will place his jaws around the submitting wolf’s neck, but won’t kill it.
Good Communication: Couples who must succeed in marriage must possess the ability to go beyond mere daily information. There must be some deep form of communication in which feelings and emotions must be communicated. It must be fun to them to sometimes sit out, relax and just talk about themselves.
What’s the difference between good marriages and bad marriages? Several ways you could answer that, but one thing it’s not. It is not that bad marriages have a lot of conflicts while good marriages are fortunate enough to never have any. After thirty years of marriage, I can tell you that all marriages have conflicts.
Words such as, “I felt foolish when you said those things about me in front of your friends!” are much more acceptable because they do not attack the self-worth of your partner while at the same time they do bring up the issues of conflict.
Make a pact with your spouse. In overcoming marriage problems it is important to promise each other that you will both try your best to fix the problem in your marriage. Do whatever it takes to save the marriage and bring the relationship back on the right track.