Marriage seems wonderfully endearing to the single person who has never married, and possibly to the divorced person who hankers for something to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for virtually all of us is quite a tough function at occasions. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so considerably of ourselves into our marriages – which is the two a good and a undesirable issue.
We carry in expectations of currently being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not spend too much cash, not seek to management us, that they will want to commit time with us. We also deliver in expectations of what our partners need to deliver to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to title just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now grow to be aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
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Marriage conflict is par for the course but does not have to end in divorce. Conflict can be transformed into harmony if you are willing to find new solutions to problems. Admit when you are wrong and apologize. Most of us refuse to believe we have done anything wrong when the finger gets pointed at us.
To be a good partner, you must listen to your partner and be willing to make an attempt to understand his or her point of view. You must keep cool and not argue and take everything your partner says into consideration. You should also calmly and lovingly express your own needs and desires. Through open communication, you can save a marriage and even make it happier than before.
Meaning, although the two of you might individually wonder “Exactly what solution will work for saving my marriage,” your partner, guilty or not, needful or not, may be too distracted by the physical and emotional “smoke” of a relationship gone sour, in order to take advantage of the best romance curing advice that exists.
Unrealistic Presumptions: A number of young people believe marriage to be a state of permanent happiness. They are however let down in frustration and disappointment early in the marriages when they discover otherwise.
Open communication and a willingness to compromise for the good of the household can negate a lot of these types of conflicts. Of course, there are plenty of additional causes of marital strife that arise based on individual circumstances. Regardless, one of the key components to rectifying marital disputes first determining their source.
What this typically leads to is one person usually getting their way or their needs met at the expense of the other person. While this may work for awhile, it eventually leads to bitterness and resentment.
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Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand. You can not have a successful marriage without character. Character is what keeps a marriage together through the seasons of conflict and bitter disappointments.
By learning and doing what works, couples can break the pattern of unhealthy communication and create inter-generational health: happy, healthy parents raise happy, healthy families. Your children, in turn, have the capacity to pass relationship health on to the next generation. Now there’s a legacy worth leaving behind!
For the most part, there is only one single sure-fire way to do the most “correct” plus uplifting thing which marriage requires. That magical solution is to “treat the other person in the same way as you would like them to treat YOU!.
If you can learn to do this, you will find that you don’t get upset or angry near as often. Let your spouse be who they are. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. So step back, and let things go. Not everything is a personal attack on you.
Many people would rather choose to be with “someone” else (back to “personality love”) than to remain with their spouse and face the true character of their spouses and their own! (Did you get that?). Marriage requires “character love.”
So where can you go to learn these skills? Both marriage counseling and relationship psychoeducation for couples have demonstrated effectiveness. Successful approaches include, learning proven skills for communication and confiding effectively, resolving misunderstanding and conflict productively, healing old relationship wounds permanently and increasing intimacy successfully.
Character is the decisions you make when no one hears you. Character is what happens in your mind in a split second! Character is the person you become when you face a crisis or when all things come tumbling down.
Fidelity: Unfaithfulness in marriage is one of the reasons why most marriages fail. It only takes a unique person to forgive and forget when it comes to extra marital affairs. The true character of that person is simply showing up for the first time.
Many people are familiar with marriage or relationship counseling where you meet regularly over a period of time with a counselor or therapist. Successful treatment focuses on your relationship rather than on individual issues. With your counselor you identify and dissolve the barriers to resolving your conflicts.
Likewise, you and your spouse each have a “love tank”, and when it is empty, the marriage stops performing. It is therefore imperative to be sure your spouse’s love tank is always full. Keep the romance alive.
Begin with these seven steps and you will be on your way quickly to resolve your conflict. If your marriage is struggling, and you find yourself dealing with conflict-resolving issues with your spouse, you may be wondering if divorce is the only option left. After all, the loving feelings you once shared with your spouse seem to have disappeared and all that is left is unhappiness.
Divorce is emotionally traumatic for some people and it had been compared to dealing with death by some people who have gone through a divorce. It can also be very challenging for the emotional well being of children, even if it’s what we call an amicable divorce. The separation will still be there, and the child will still lose one of his parents “full-time” so to speak.
One day I decided to do something about it. I just could not stand it anymore. I wanted to be happy, enthusiastic, loving, energetic person I once was. And I wanted my partner to smile again, love me again just like when we just met.
Make the decision, with your spouse, to be committed to the relationship not matter what. Be Loving and Kind To One Another – You are a team now. The two became one. It is about two people, you AND me, rather than you VERSUS me. If you can remember that you two are a team, and that teammates work together, you will handle things differently. Remember, there is no “I” in “TEAM.”
This partly explains why suddenly with our life partner, we can feel an intensity of feeling powerless, fearful, helpless even though we intellectually know we are not powerless and helpless. The “Timeless” Old Brain The second thing that is important to know about the Old Brain is that is has no concept of time. It knows nothing about years, decades, and schedules. It lives in the “eternal now.”