Marriage appears wonderfully endearing to the single particular person who has in no way married, and probably to the divorced particular person who hankers for some thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is quite a tough work at times. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages – which is the two a great and a negative thing.
We carry in expectations of getting ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not commit also a lot money, not seek to control us, that they will want to invest time with us. We also bring in expectations of what our partners ought to bring to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to name just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn into conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Relationship Problems Emotional Abuse
In my many years of mentoring couples in business and personal relationships, I have found certain 7 “Proactive Actions” which, if taken by either (but more successfully by both) spouse, go a long way to resolving just about all conflicts which arise in a marriage. Make the decision to stay married, A choice becomes a decision when you assassinate all options – when you burn down all exit doors!.
They get married too soon, and too fast. Be it for love and romance, or for the sake of a baby that’s on the way, or two kids just looking for a way to get out of their parents house, improper planning is one of the root causes of marital conflict.
Capitulation, “Let’s try it your way.” – An experienced and wise spouse, I can hear it now. “But isn’t capitulation just giving in and being codependent with someone?” It can be, if done on a regular basis over time.
The problem comes when couples approach conflict as a win-lose situation, which makes it very difficult to reach a compromise. It’s simply human nature to want to be right, and so we approach resolving conflict from a right or wrong perspective.
Consequently, I never knew my father – a reality that I regret to this day.) Responsibility, Married couples often find themselves fighting over the distribution of common, everyday responsibilities. These range from cooking and cleaning to shopping, budgeting and bringing home the lion’s share of the income.
Most people don’t get married believing that insurmountable conflicts with their spouse are going to arise over the course of their relationships. Consequently, this often means that when issue resulting in conflict do arise, they take couple by surprise and can lead to disillusionment – or worse.
Can This Marriage Be Saved Stories
Make the decision, with your spouse, to be committed to the relationship not matter what. Be Loving and Kind To One Another – You are a team now. The two became one. It is about two people, you AND me, rather than you VERSUS me. If you can remember that you two are a team, and that teammates work together, you will handle things differently. Remember, there is no “I” in “TEAM.”
However, to put this plainly, “it works” and can help you get to the core of marital conflict while resolving problems and removing sources of relationship trouble with well rounded effectiveness plus permanency.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t work to achieve an answer to a marriage conflict even if you’re not married. In fact maybe it will be a bit easier to settle. It takes two people to work through any marriage conflict. So you need to see if both of you are willing to work out problems.
Working and providing the income may be a way to show your partner that you love them. Some people feel loved when others do things for them, some when they hear it, others when they are touched and yet others when they see it written. Your partner may need to hear it from you.
If your marriage is at this point, it is time to make some changes. Here is a question, Why is it that we act the worst towards those we love the most?. It is a problem most of us have, and yet it is so counter-intuitive. We should be the kindest to those we love. Well in a marriage relationship, there are 3 rules you should be following on a daily basis.
He will emotionally withdraw from me in return, and in time, with several small “incidents” between us, we begin to complain to others, spend more time alone, or worse yet, start spending time with a person of the opposite sex that seems to “understand” us so much better.
Not to leave you blinded or confused in any way by this powerful suggestion… the realistic challenge you are most likely to face is that YOU ALONE may be the fortunate follower of such smartly soothing companionship advice.
Their spouse is a mirror reflecting their true CHARACTER. And most people don’t like what they see. Divorce is often found in the backrooms of our characters and the utter dislike of our characters.
You never know, they might feel as bad as you do and in an instant you made a positive difference in their day. Imagine the possibilities. Look for a way to positively change your day and the lives of those around you every day. Marriage is a big leap of faith yet with proper care and understanding it is possible to build a marriage that will withstand the test of time.
Do you wish your marriage felt better to you? Do you have some minor relationship problems you would like to fix? Or maybe you have some problems that feel huge and you are tired of them. Either way, you want less pain and more pleasure in your marriage.
If you think you are a nobody you will behave as a nobody; if you believe you are somebody, you will behave as a somebody. When your self esteem and self image is strong and you see yourself as a unique and special person, you will not be easily offended and angered. You build this by reading, reading and reading self improvement books.
In the face of conflict, ask yourself, what is the underlying issue? What lesson should I learn from this conflict? How can this conflict provide me with valuable insight and a better understanding of myself and my partner in order to address it and move forward positively?.
The important thing to understand about the Mid-Brain is that our emotions are not controlled by the conscious, intentional part of our brain (that’s coming next). The old saying, “Emotions have no brains”.
You get the picture. But the third example is that of PEACE MAKING. This is the only response that will resolve an issue because it requires both parties to acknowledge that something is wrong. Both people will have an opportunity to express their side of the story and then each person will be able to look at the situation from another perspective.