Marriage looks wonderfully endearing to the single individual who has by no means married, and probably to the divorced man or woman who hankers for something to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for almost all of us is fairly a difficult function at occasions. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages – which is each a excellent and a bad point.
We carry in expectations of being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not commit also much funds, not seek out to management us, that they will want to spend time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners must carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to title just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now turn into conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Lord Help Me Save My Marriage
The main point I hope to make clear is that your marriage’s success or failure will depend largely on two major things that you CAN have a bit of control over; You can make the choice to learn how to do these two things better, Develop good communication skills, Develop the ability to work through difficulties that you face.
And I must say that was the hardest part – deciding that enough is enough, taking that first step. After that everything just snowballed down the hill (it was more like up the hill in my situation).
Accept that nobody is perfect. Overcoming marriage problem is not easy if you and your spouse are blaming each other. Realize that nobody is perfect and people commit mistakes including your spouse. Even if you want everything to be perfect, you and your spouse will not always do the right thing. Mistakes are always part of life and how you learn or recover from those mistakes is all that matters.
The media often times paints a grim picture through the many tragic divorce cases it brings to our awareness and the sense that once the divorce word comes into place, there is no way around it. On the other hand, the media paints a different picture of romance and love, more often telling stories of fantasy love that rarely happen in real life.
The Old Brain knows how to run. How do you run in a relationship? Literally leave the house, go for a drive, separate, work later and later at the office. The Old Brain knows how to “freeze.”The twig snaps in the forest and the deer freezes. Have you ever come home and sensed that something was amiss and you were in trouble and froze. That is, decide to say nothing or do nothing until you can assess the danger.
Consequently, I never knew my father – a reality that I regret to this day.) Responsibility, Married couples often find themselves fighting over the distribution of common, everyday responsibilities. These range from cooking and cleaning to shopping, budgeting and bringing home the lion’s share of the income.
Difficulties In Love Marriage
The Bad News, This then is the biological explanation of why there can be so much intense emotion in relationships. The Old Brain treats emotional risk as a survival issue and combines history with the present and confuses people, events and time. Our partner can raise their eyebrow in a certain way and we can feel a knife go through our gut.
The important thing to understand about the Mid-Brain is that our emotions are not controlled by the conscious, intentional part of our brain (that’s coming next). The old saying, “Emotions have no brains”.
I know what I am saying might sound radical to you, but before you turn away from reading the rest of this article, allow me to reveal to you the ONE single ROOT of ALL marital conflicts. What Is The Root of All Conflicts?.
Millions of people around the globe are experiencing the same problem – difficulties in their marriages. Every marriage will go through some rough patches at some point, but some of us will be forced to experience a way bigger share of marriage conflicts than the others. Constant arguing, spitefulness and endless conflicts are daily occurrences in your life.
Welcome to the real world of marriage and long term relationships. Peter Devries (Editor, Novelist, Satirist and Linguist, 1910-1993), said: “The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.” Greatest truth said about marriage, and what it takes to make marriage a life long time endeavor.
In the best of all possible worlds, we would be well prepared for handling conflict before we get married. My experience in my office tells me that is just not the case for most couples. Part of the reason for this is there is just so much in a marriage relationship that can cause conflict. I’ve written before about what’s called the Big Six, the six main areas of conflict in marriage.
If you see that you yourself have made mistakes, correct them, and tell your partner of your new commitment to the relationship. Compromise, “A compromise would surely help the situation.” – 10CC, Compromise is clearly the optimal solution to conflict.
Honour each other’s feelings and needs as valid. If a person feels invalidated and disrespected they are not likely to be open to finding solutions with you. So, listening and allowing your partner to express their feelings. Then repeat to them what you think you heard them say so that they know you have fully understood them. You do not have to agree with their feelings, just respect and validate them.
The Big Six are the areas of communication, money, sex, children, in-laws and religion. Perhaps we should call it the Big Seven, and add the all important issue of who gets to hold the TV remote control. No kidding, I’ve actually had couples fighting over this issue. I’ve even had them fighting over the age old issue of how to hang the toilet paper roll, over or under.
Conflict Resolution Tips?. Conflict resolution is a skill that takes time and practice to master. You constantly learn how to understand your partner better, what to do or say in a disagreement and what to avoid so as not to make things worse. Here are the tips.
Marriage conflicts can be very stressful and tend to cloud someone’s thinking. A “neutral observer” has the opportunity to see things without the confusion of the emotional turmoil that is so common in a troubled marriage.
There are basically three key ingredients to compromise each person gives a little, each person gets as many needs met as possible, and each person works for the good of the relationship, not their own desires.
So where can you go to learn these skills? Both marriage counseling and relationship psychoeducation for couples have demonstrated effectiveness. Successful approaches include, learning proven skills for communication and confiding effectively, resolving misunderstanding and conflict productively, healing old relationship wounds permanently and increasing intimacy successfully.
Fidelity: Unfaithfulness in marriage is one of the reasons why most marriages fail. It only takes a unique person to forgive and forget when it comes to extra marital affairs. The true character of that person is simply showing up for the first time.
The greatest gift in a marriage is commitment and an ability to understand conflict in marriage. Commitment is the glue that holds a marriage together, understanding conflict is the first step to overcome negative behaviors.
It is often heard that adopting an attitude of hope is almost impossible in the midst of the chaos of marriage problems and the heartache associated with it. If you feel that you are faced with this challenge, consider asking yourself a more empowering question, such as: “How can I adopt an attitude of hope regardless of the problems I am currently experiencing?”.
This miscommunication leads to misunderstanding which in turn leads to something going wrong. When something goes wrong, tensions arise which leads to confrontations, conflicts, arguments, quarrels and fights between the two of you. This brings me to the all-important key in saving your marriage.