Marriage would seem wonderfully endearing to the single particular person who has never married, and maybe to the divorced person who hankers for one thing to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for practically all of us is really a hard perform at occasions. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so considerably of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a excellent and a undesirable factor.
We bring in expectations of getting ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not devote too significantly income, not seek to management us, that they will want to devote time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners should carry to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to identify just four. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now become conscious due to our encroaching annoyance.
Relationship Problems Emotional Abuse
There are usually two types of responses to conflict, fight or flight. But a third response is possible and it is the only proper response to bring resolution to your problems. I’ll talk about FIGHT first.
I know what I am saying might sound radical to you, but before you turn away from reading the rest of this article, allow me to reveal to you the ONE single ROOT of ALL marital conflicts. What Is The Root of All Conflicts?.
There are basically two reactions towards anything that displeases a person. Some people blow up. They may shout, scream, rant or rave and after they have done so, they cool down and return to normal. Others on the other hand, keep their anger or bitterness inside them by clamming up. They may display their displeasure in their faces or body language but they would not vocalize it or act on it there and then.
A good therapist can identify specific steps you can take for your individual situation to improve the areas that are weak in your marriage and to further strengthen those that are already working.
Many people see conflict as something to avoid at all costs. Others are constantly engaging in conflict because they feel they must look out for number one and don’t know how to resolve conflict without a full blown battle. Sometimes, depending on the situation, you may avoid a fight; while at other times, you attack before you even have time to think about it.
In every marriage, there will be disagreements. One of the keys to a successful relationship is having the capacity to manage or handle conflicts. Avoiding conflict or being afraid of rocking the marriage boat or keeping peace at any price will hurt a marriage. Sometimes, the ability to monitor and resolve conflict is what makes or breaks a marriage.
Love And Relationship Advice
The Enemy of Conflict Resolution?. The enemy of conflict resolution is pride. Pride blocks the path towards admitting your own wrong, asking for forgiveness from your partner and taking the first step towards reconciliation.
For the most part, there is only one single sure-fire way to do the most “correct” plus uplifting thing which marriage requires. That magical solution is to “treat the other person in the same way as you would like them to treat YOU!.
And they lived happily ever after, Yeah right. Perhaps I’m a little bit jaded, since I work all day with couples in conflict. On the other hand, conflict comes to even the healthiest of marriages. It’s just that we seem so unprepared for how to handle conflict. We know in our heads that “happily ever after” is true only in stories and fairly tales, yet in our hearts we long for it to be true.
Conflict, even in the best marriages, is inevitable. For some couples it creates underlying unease in a relationship. For others, it causes major problems. How we deal with conflict leads to either a painful or pleasurable conclusion.
For example, if I’m upset with my husband and I emotionally withdraw, he doesn’t have a clue why, but he will recognize my distance and his thoughts will begin to ponder “what’s wrong here?” If he is a peacemaker.
The Big Six are the areas of communication, money, sex, children, in-laws and religion. Perhaps we should call it the Big Seven, and add the all important issue of who gets to hold the TV remote control. No kidding, I’ve actually had couples fighting over this issue. I’ve even had them fighting over the age old issue of how to hang the toilet paper roll, over or under.
However, to put this plainly, “it works” and can help you get to the core of marital conflict while resolving problems and removing sources of relationship trouble with well rounded effectiveness plus permanency.
When you are safe with your partner, warmth, playfulness, affection and sexuality tend to emerge naturally. When you are not safe, there is distance, hiding, criticism, fighting, etc. Instead, we tell the other person that they are the ones with the problem thus infuriating and alienating them further in the process.
When these expectations are brought to light, be willing to CHANGE yourself for the sake of your marriage. When you change, your spouse will change, too. That is the surest way to save your marriage.
It is unrealistic to think that you can eliminate conflict from a relationship. A good marriage and family counselor will instead teach a couple healthy ways to resolve their conflicts without damaging their relationship.
Do you wish your marriage felt better to you? Do you have some minor relationship problems you would like to fix? Or maybe you have some problems that feel huge and you are tired of them. Either way, you want less pain and more pleasure in your marriage.
It is quite possible that one spouse may be completely uncooperative at that time and which is precisely when one has to take full charge of the situation and ensure that things are completely in control.
The Mid-Brain (The Mammalian Brain), The second brain, like it or not, is similar to mammals. This is the part of our brain that mediates or controls emotion. We generally do not think of snakes or lizards as having emotion, but mammals (dogs, cats, etc.) experience what we call emotion. They can be afraid, angry, loving, happy, etc. Humans have a wide and rich range of emotion.
Physical abuse, fertility issues, cheating, or just plain boredom or lack of love. These can break the trust that is so essential to a relationship. So how do you save a marriage that has reached this point?.
Keep your spouse’s “Love Tank” full, You and your spouse each have a certain action which hits the hot button of your spouse in showing your love for each other. It may be a gift, praise, physical touch, quality time together, praise and edification, or others. Like a fuel tank on your car, when it is empty the car stops performing.
That’s when character gets revealed. That’s when the personality fades away and you meet a different person for the first time. Sometimes that sweet spouse you met turns to drugs or some bizarre behavior and you say to yourself, “How could that have happened?”.