Marriage appears wonderfully endearing to the single individual who has in no way married, and perhaps to the divorced individual who hankers for something to arrest their longing for companionship or sexual release, but marriage for nearly all of us is quite a tough work at occasions. (And I can say this even as a representative of my wife!). We carry so significantly of ourselves into our marriages – which is both a good and a undesirable factor.
We carry in expectations of being ‘met’ by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not invest also a lot funds, not seek out to manage us, that they will want to invest time with us. We also carry in expectations of what our partners ought to bring to us: their virtues of diligence and moderation and sanctity and kindness – to name just 4. We are disappointed when they don’t measure up to our previously unconscious expectations – that have now become aware due to our encroaching annoyance.
Can A Marriage Be Saved After Both Have Cheated
In-laws, Couples, particularly younger couples, often encounter strife because one spouse’s parents insist on meddling in their marital lives. Many people feel torn between defending their spouse or the family members who have been there for them their entire lives. Being unable to find a balance between the two can break up a relationship over time. (This was the experience in my own upbringing, and my parents divorced over it.
Nobody ever said being married was going to be easy. In fact, marriage can be quite a challenge from day one. It is obvious that the minds of two people in love, are not capable of thinking rationally. For the most part, they are dreamers. And because their thinking is clouded by this thing called love, they get married. Shortly after the marriage, reality sets in.
Benefits of relationship counseling include the privacy of the counseling session, a focus on your specific relationship needs, and flexibility in scheduling appointments. Outstanding alternatives or additions to counseling are relationship psychoeducation workshops for couples.
In this series of articles, I’d like to share with you principles for handling any conflict. Here’s the first principle for dealing with any conflict. You’ve got to be honest with each other in a marriage.
It is quite possible that one spouse may be completely uncooperative at that time and which is precisely when one has to take full charge of the situation and ensure that things are completely in control.
When you do step away from the situation, take time to remember why you love your partner and why you came together in the first place. Be grateful for all the positive aspects of your relationship and your partner. Just this act of conscious gratitude will put you in a more positive frame of mind to begin the healing process.
Difficulties In Love Marriage
The Mid-Brain (The Mammalian Brain), The second brain, like it or not, is similar to mammals. This is the part of our brain that mediates or controls emotion. We generally do not think of snakes or lizards as having emotion, but mammals (dogs, cats, etc.) experience what we call emotion. They can be afraid, angry, loving, happy, etc. Humans have a wide and rich range of emotion.
When you are safe with your partner, warmth, playfulness, affection and sexuality tend to emerge naturally. When you are not safe, there is distance, hiding, criticism, fighting, etc. Instead, we tell the other person that they are the ones with the problem thus infuriating and alienating them further in the process.
Not long ago a mother confided in me (after a number of conversations) that after 32 years of marriage she was actually flipping because she was comparing her daughter’s marriage with hers and she saw her daughter happier than she had herself ever been. She was actually contemplating divorce to find someone that would provide her with what she thought was missing in her life.
Each positive moment will help you feel a little better until you return to and exceed your previous joy, content and peace. It is a cumulative and incremental process. Is your day just awful? Are you in such a negative place that you don’t see anything positive? Look at someone else and find something they do well and complement them.
Is there really a way in which you can permanently end marriage conflict? Well probably not completely cut it out, but make it less of a problem yes. First and most important is to make sure you are marrying for the right reason, and the right person.
Or “How can I turn this conflict into a success?”, you’ll find that your mind always feeds you with an answer. Remember, if you ask a dis-empowering question like this: “How I am supposed to adopt an attitude of hope in the middle of this chaos?” you’re mind will most likely tell you.
The Big Six are the areas of communication, money, sex, children, in-laws and religion. Perhaps we should call it the Big Seven, and add the all important issue of who gets to hold the TV remote control. No kidding, I’ve actually had couples fighting over this issue. I’ve even had them fighting over the age old issue of how to hang the toilet paper roll, over or under.
For whatever reasons, he’s not as attentive to her as he used to be. She’s hurt, and rightly so. What should she do? If she just holds it in and never says anything, over a period time it can lead to resentment and bitterness.
One of the main areas a therapist can help a couple is in developing healthy and effective communication skills. It’s no secret that many problems in a relationship can be traced to communication issues. Teaching a couple to communicate effectively is one of the ways a marriage counselor can help.
Our wives and husbands are dealing with irresolvable concerns – struggles and frustrations – just as we are – but they are just different. If we can flip towards them, releasing our expectations in faith, their release is imminent, and then so is ours. The irresolvable concerns in marriage will both torment us as we hold onto our unrealistic expectations for change, or they will release us into a new season of peace and joy.
Why does marriage counseling work for some couples, and not for others? One of the main reasons that some relationships don’t benefit from professional help is that the couple waited too long to seek help.
Having a healthy marital relationship means giving up ego and being resolved to solve your particular conflicts. You have to be committed to staying together and working it out. You also have to be objective and look at your relationship as an outsider, so you can see what the real problems may be.
Our natural desire is to find a pleasurable solution, but most couples don’t know how to recover when they experience relationship problems. Usually they keep doing over and over what they know to do and it doesn’t work.